Is it normal that when you talk to some people, or when you read the things they write, or when you see the way the walk.

You go, whoa, that guy/girl is really proud.

If you think and feel that way. Are you judging?


Haha, I can just go Blah! Who cares.

But that would be pretending, wont it? After all, I cared enough to blogged about it.

:-D

And in the grand scheme of things, I'll rather be real. And mean the things I say.

Including stupid/silly/meaningless things that will cause people to laugh at me! Hahahaha!

Mavis would know what I'm talking about, and Mavis.
I totally REGRET TELLING YOU!!!

Muhahahahaha!!

Oh, and I miss Mel, Jasmine, Johnny, Grace, Jieqi, George and BAOTING!

I miss Joo and and Zhen a Little Bit.

And I'm waiting to bring DA Funk back to Etriplefour! One more week till my holidays

And ANd AND

CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Its time to Shout Scream Roar Sing!!!!

Let the mountains tremble
As we set the fields ablaze
Put out your sickle
and harvest your field
Breathe life into dry bones
Walk on Water

Revival.

I'm IN!

This marks a new start, a new opportunity. And I love new beginnings. I don't knowwhere this new path would bring me, but I believe it is going to be GOOD.

I wanna share a story. For those who do not know, when i said I'm in, i meant my church's choir ministry! Its not a simple I wanna sign up and you get in thing, there are auditions that you go to, and then u get selected.

Let's go back to the very beginning. I remember the first time I was asked what ministry I wanted to join, Choir jumped out! But I've never had a good voice, no rhythm, no tone. To me, I cant sing! But I would really like to.

But how does a person who cant sing join the choir right? That's like, asking Micheal Jordan to play soccer. I didnt share this with anyone before, but I was afraid, afraid that I would fail, and be rejected. So why try? And I remembered then, i went to help out at JAMS church. That's church for the intellectually disabled. And I was pretty blown away by the people, and how much sacrifice they could give.

I thought, Hey! Maybe this is where I belonged. And I could see myself helping out, and serving there. But you know this nagging feeling you always get? I always had it. But i went ahead and signed up for JAMS anyway.

Weeks passed and they never got back. Looking back, maybe its God's way of steering me to the place where I wanted to go? Godly desires are from God after all.

I reached a place where I thought, you know what, I want to join choir, I want to join it more then JAMS. And I should give it a shot. Even if I dont get in, I know I tried. I wanna overcome my fear, my insecurity and simply follow my heart.

I read this somewhere, I think from Yanbing's blog or msn or something. It says, Victory is won from the inside out. Overcome what's in your heart, and things around you change.

I know getting in is not that difficult. But to me, it spells a victory. Cause beneath my proud and conceited exterior, I'm more insecure then most people think. (sounds familiar) But! I know one thing, I pray and I love God. And I know he watches over me. SO no matter how insecure, how much a loser, how unworthy I THINK I am. I KNOW I'm not.

If the most powerful being ever thinks I am worthy, who am I to think I am not?

Right now, I almost feel as though I can walk on water.
And I'm gonna try.

What's to stop me?

When was the last time you had the audacity to try something you never believed you could do?

Its ten! I shall blog one entry before settling down to study for math. Once again, the world amazes me at how, although it is the same physically, it differs from for every single person.

I'm currently on msn with three different people, at three different stages of their lives. It amazes me, honestly. We are all human, but why is our world so different from the rest?

Talker one is telling me how she sometimes wishes she can be like me, then suddenly drifts to how she must put her marriage on hold. And I go thinking, whoa, she's only been dating for just over a year and she's thinking of marriage? Her reply goes like that, my MR right ba.

Isent is nice to hear people who still believe in that? Still, different eyes see the world differently. She's only 21! I personally think thats kinda young to get married. Still.

Ok second is Huanxin, how can anyone just chuck everything aside? And focus so much on studies, and career and an awesome future? Its as though he never gets hit by emotional problems, emptiness or anything! Its just study hard, get honors, and soar in ur career.

How does he do it?

Third is Joshua. Once again planning hard so that everything would go smoothly in cell group, in service, in church. He belongs to a grp of people so passionate about God and church, I feel like a wilting flower in comparison. Just so hungry for more for what they can do for God.


This three people seemed like the core beliefs of my life. God, Success ( work ) , Love.

I guess my perfect would be like a triangle, with me in between. Along the way though, it seems like I would always tilt to one end and neglect the other. One end would edify me, while another would consume me. While I am succeeding in in work, i seem to be tortured by the lack of God or love, and it works in all three ways.

I like work, for how it lets me forget everything. For how it makes me feel proud, knowing that I can hold my head up high and how it makes people look up to me. I like how when i succeed in school, I get a bright outlook of how my work life, and money life is gonna be like.

I like Love, for how it can make me feel happier beyond all sensible boundaries. How it makes me feel the world is beautiful, how it makes me wanna run and shout and tell the everyone I know, what an awesome feeling it is.

I love God, for how when work and love and the world fails. He's always there. How when i feel down and out and useless, I know I am not. The last refuge, the eagle's wings.


I want my life to be like a sepia toned photograph of a guy and a girl sitting on their balcony, which faces the sea, watching the rising of the sun. With hints of shadows, of the angels watching over them.

The time is now 620am, 9th of november. It is a friday, and the morning is not yet here. The glow ina distance, hints at the rising of the sun.

I want to remember this time for life.

Because I've just had a nightmare.

Its not a dream of witches and demons chasing me. It's worse.

In my dream, I realised everything I lived for and everything I believed in. A story that I've heard, a person that I believed. It turned out to be a lie. In the dream, I was the only one oblivious to it all. I was the only one, who didnt know the truth.

In my dream, I saw a lie that festered and came to life. A situation that I've been dreading, finally approaches.

And in my dream, I broke.

And I know now, at this moment right here. I need to refocus, My nose and eyes needs to be faced skyward once again.

It was so real. The kind of dreams that did not drift from scene to scene. Each scene made sense. No, I cant promise myself that the situation or event or day would not come. But I know I can make myself stronger today. I know that the fingers curled around a desire can uncurl and let go.

In my dream, I broke.

For the first time in my life, I woke up scared and stayed that way.

In my dream, I broke.

I say No.

In the shadows my spirit weak
Love broke through the darkness and lifted me
And I know you'll never let me go

In the storm in the raging sea
Love conquered the fear and delivered me
And I know you'll never let me go

Oh love in the shadows
Be the light who leads me on
Your love I will follow
Be my guide, your will be done
Oh Lord

In the arms of the one unseen
Love carried the cross that was meant for me
And I know you'll never let me go

Oh love I surrender, now forever I'll be loved
In the love of the father, you are faithful you are strong
So hold me now, hold me now, hold me now

Nothing in this life has walked these streets
Love opened my eyes show me what you see
And I know I'll never let you go

Dear you

I dont know what to say or how to say it. Its hard. But music never fails does it?
Would you listen and read?

"Become"

There's so much more about you that you never let them see
You turn away
But not to me
And I know how they tried to take you
Held you up and meant to break you down
But you can't be

For so long I tried to reach you
I know I'm almost there
I'm close enough for you to see

You've been hiding in the shadows
Have you forgotten how we used to dream
Let me remind you
The light doesn't blind you at all
It just helps you see
Can you see

Yeah you have become
Yeah you have become beautiful

And I can't be the stranger
That's been sleeping in your bed just
Turn around and come to me
I feel all the pain inside
And everything you been denied you feel
It's all you feel

You've been hiding in the shadows
Have you forgotten how we used to dream
Let me remind you
The light doesn't blind you at all
It helps you see
Can you see

Yeah you have become
Yeah you have become beautiful
Yeah you have become
Yeah you have become beautiful

Brush back your hair and look around you
Feeling like the truth has found you here
You're here with me
Let love become the mirror
With no fear where you're from
You have become beautiful