I wonder if

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand—
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep—while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

-Edgar Allen Poe

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As I stood, or sat. Listening to a few of my friends discussing about love and relationships. And how people should stay focused on whatever and whatever. I wonder...

I remember talking about a few problems that I was seeing when it comes to love. Fights betweens couples. Fights between 2 guys going after the same girl. How people dont do well in their studies when they're attached.

I remember Grace telling me how the other cell grp are facing alot of love love problems because they're still really young and still kinda childish. And how our CG doesnt really face that cause we've has been through it, so we can handle it better. And how we should be mature in handling things like that.

I remember huanxin telling me, that relationships arent right at this time and I should focus on dreams and goals and girls can come anytime after that.

I remember Joo telling me how she wished the earth had only girls, and how repulsive she felt towards guys and the corny dumb and disgusting things some of them did. And how she can never see herself getting married.

I remember Mel saying, a crush is just a simple attraction and people would recover fast from it. And how if you should really look into a person's character and attitude, take away all the " niceness ". Only then you consider if you can get into a relationship what that person.

I remember me saying I dont understand why people wanna get into relationship when the only difference is that couples hold hands and can kiss and do other physical stuff and thats it. I remember me telling people to just let go, move on, there's someone better out there, you'll get over it as if it was the easiest thing in the world. Its just all about feelings and you get over it. There's no such thing as the perfect one. Love isent a dream or fairy tale, but something you work on.

I've grown, I'm more mature now. Or maybe I'm just more cynical about this love.

And I laid on my bed. And remember how I used to feel this sinking, deep, warm, joyful beyond words feeling in my heart.

I remember how everything I did seemed so stupid and dumb. I remember how I felt I lost so much time and money and effort for nothing.

"Why do all these when you're already so tired? Why are you going through all this trouble?"

And I wanted to. I wanted to, cause I belived what I did, could make someone I had feelings for, a lil more happy. Or at least feel better when she's going throuhg a rough patch.

And beneath every tough exterior. Ever rock solid explaination I had. Peel away, all these walls and walls of hardened emotions I built around me, so I could move on.

I guess. I still want to belive.

That love is not a theory, or a work in progress. That feelings are not just feelings.

I dont wanna be so. Realistic. So hardened. So cynical.

I still wanna believe.

In a dream within a dream.

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Or, as thou never cam'st in sooth,
Come now, and let me dream it truth;
And part my hair, and kiss my brow,
And say: My love! why sufferest thou?

Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again!
For then the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.

-Matthew Arnold

Someone said
" Chris... Everything's gonna be the same lar, nothing's gonna change. You all will probably not even notice or get used to it after awhile! "

I dont really think so...